Related poem: “Into the Abyss of Darkness“

Paralysis with a Sprinkle of Spinning Nightmare Fuel

As the panic started to set in, I had recalled a few times in the past that I had experiences sleep paralysis. This event felt very similar to those times. However, the unsettling thing is that I wasn’t asleep. I was fully conscious and embedded in reality. It was supposedly something from the realm of dreams that had entered my current plane of space and time. At least when it is a dream you are able to convince yourself that it wasn’t actually real and that you are fine.

Each supposed frame of warped time that went by in this place, the entity that was before me started getting more glitchy looking and higher dimensions seemed to bleed through around it. Intensifying further and further, until suddenly many hundreds of copies of the entity formed a perfect circle around me. Starting to spin, faster and faster and faster and faster. Again intensifying, they started to surround me even further with thousands more copies forming a grand sphere until no space was left blank and all I could see in my view was the entity countless times.

And as I thought that it couldn’t get any scarier than this… it got scarier than this. The entities started moving further away from me in perfect harmony. It looked like the sphere surrounding me was growing bigger and bigger whilst the entities drifted further from me every moment. 

And then it happened…

Into the Abyss of Darkness

There was no reasoning my way out of this. I was experiencing something completely new, scary, and unfathomable. Embedded within the real world. An unknown, indescribable and yet scarily familiar. Ultimately and absolutely chilling. I could taste darkness. I could feel black. “Froid noir foncé”; bitter when placed upon the tongue and a sharp, stabbing sensation on the skin when touched or being touched by it.

The worst part about this whole experience is how long it seemingly lasts. For me, it felt like an eternity. Trillions of years even. My sense of time was so distorted that I thought it would never end. I lost my sense of self in this realm. I was gone. My ego was dissolved in a sea of eternal dark. Diluted in a black ocean – one part ego per googolplex parts darkness. With my ego becoming shattered and unrecognisable, I could only think. Think for an endless amount of time. It drove me mad, although I didn’t even have anything to compare this “madness” to, so for me it was the absolute norm. Madness as normality. This should paint a picture of what it is like to be left inside this world of pure nothing.

Embracing the New Normal

And then, almost of quickly as I was thrown into this place, I was propelled back upwards into my reality, where colours other than just black exist, and the universe seemingly expanded from a stretched out single file line of subatomic particles. Every plank time unit that passed, the line of subatomic particles would stack, starting at single file, then went to two side by side, then three and so on. Each time the stack grew, more and more of the universe came into view. As it kept growing and growing, I could witness every tiny happening that occurred within this sea of particles. Becoming atoms, molecules, crystalline structures, gasses, liquids, solids, rocks, plasma, mountains, moons, planets, stars, supergiants, neutron star, pulsars, magnetars, black holes, galaxies, nebulae, galaxy clusters, and finally the collective of all of the above to form the universe itself. 

Finally, BANG! I was forced back into my own body and supposedly surrounded by normality once more. However, one thing seemed to remain gone from me after returning. My ego, left dissolved in another dimension, was gone. The presence of the entity had vanished for the most part. I couldn’t even remember who I was, what I was doing, or why I was there. My “friends” became strangers and I was scared. Though something kept me composed, allowing me to pretend I knew what was happening. I was able to scrape by the situation with pure luck and my friends were mostly none the wiser.

However, they did tell me after I got back from the darkness that I was frozen still with eyes that seemed dead for a good half an hour. My face non-moving and ever still. No reaction could be had from me when my friends tried to get my attention. In that moment, I was dead to this world. Fully regressed into my own head and present in a different dimension only. Even though it was only half an hour in this world, it felt like an infinite number of half hours in dark town.